And who does YOUR weave I ask?

And I live.

For those without gaydar…

Have you ever wondered, hm…is gay is he?  Well I have a fail proof test that guarantee's instant gratification.

Press play on Beyonce.  When he start doing the single ladies routine IN THE CAR, you’ll have your answer.

My spidey sense is tingling…

If you hadn’t heard by now, when asked what will Tyler Perry be doing to celebrate his 40th birthday, he responded, "I’m going to buy my own island.”  My only question is when’s the black gay pride so we can mark our calendars.  Will I need my passport?

…..and I die. 

Inappropriate.

A friend of mine that’s a bartender made the wickedly funny observation the following rude acts of nature and I just had to share.

Some inappropriate behavior observed this week:
1) Chatting about work during a burial service
2) Talking on cell phone while taking a shit in a public restroom
3) Grunting so loud and obnoxious at the gym it sounds orgasmic
4) Pink shirt with popped collar

Pink Shirt Popped Collar guy tried to order a Cosmo from me and I in good conscious could not serve him without saying anything.

Conversation went like:
PSPC: "can i get a Cosmo?"
Mr. B. "how about you turn down that collar?"
PSPC: "is that some sort of dress code or something?"
Mr. B: "no, just a good idea in general"
collar got turned down and i resumed making his drink...

And I die.

Fact.

Most…anglo-saxons can fit a water bottle in their back pocket.  Think about it. I know this picture not right, but I couldn’t help but post it.

Am I the only one…

When I was a kiddo, I use to record little radio show commentary on my boombox and play them back to myself in like a mixtape.  How corny was I!  I love it.  Am I the only one that’s guilty of doing this?  Where are those tapes now?

Of course this little boy in the picture is not me; don’t be cute.

Commitment

  What.  Is.  Wrong.  With.  Me.  I’m so sorry bloggy poo for neglecting you, but I’ve been an unorganized mess being on reserve at work.  ANYONE that knows ANYTHING about being a flight attendant knows that you can’t get your thoughts in order when you’re on call 20-21 days out of the month.  I swear its like being a paranoid crackhead in one of those SCREAM movies; I jump everytime my cell phone rings.  Oh lawd, please don’t let them get me.

But blog, my love, I have put reserve in my rearview and I’m here to give you the much need attention you deserve and require.  Please accept my apology and believe when I say I promise to do better :-).  I heart you bloggy poo.

Spooked out

Oh dear, my cereal was haunted this morning and spelled out this spooky message…OOooooooooo.  I got chills.  Frankie says they were just cherrios & that’s its all in my head, to which I replied so is everything….he didn’t get it.

Where in the world…

Is Janelle Monae.  I love her so.

I’m lovin’ it…

I ndia.Arie has pulled out all the stops on this latest project…  If you haven’t heard it, I should have a track posted so turn up your volume on your fancy pc or mac.  The cd has all the elements of genius artistry.  The lyrics are profound and deep.  The arrangements are melodic and enriching.  And the vocals are…phenomenal and yummy.  GOD bless her for continuing to fight the fight of terrible mainstream music.

Speaking of which, what’s the foolishness of Keri Hilson coming for Ciara and Beyonce on her remix to Turnin’ Me On?  She cute and all but not too much Keri; you can’t even get your album in stores which shows the lack of confidence your label have in your project.  Have some class dear; hating is SOOOO 1972.  Get a calendar, welcome to the new millennium.  The president is BLACK and WHAT! (holds up black panther fist)

Back to great music (don’t want to end my entry on a sour note), check out Amel Larrieux’s latest single, Orange Glow, which can be found on iTunes for a lovely 99cent (why is there no cent button accessible on computers? hm).  Better than a value double meat with cheese OR sweet tea.  It’s food for the soul; can I have another bowl?  She’ll be releasing a single every month for at least the next four months and depending on the response they’ll go further so be sure to support.  The concept in the digital age is genius.

Oh dear, Pt.2

Oh dear.  Solange, whose currently on tour with  Estelle on a small circuit throughout the U.S., apparently throw the mic STAND (the heavy thing folks) in to the audience HITTING A FAN!!!  Great googly moogly!  That just saved me $29 plus a trip to Grady.  And of course someone with a camera phone was there to capture the moment as always and was so kind as to post it on YouTube.  You have to love all this technology.  It’s enough to make Inspector Gadget shop on eBay.

Speaking of Grady, quick side note on how HILARIOUS Atlantians are…a friend of mine was telling me that she was exiting off 85 and there was this major accident off to the side of the road.  The woman was all bruised and bloody and was screaming at the top of her lungs “oh please don’t take me to grady.  please don’t take me to grady!” over. and over. and over again.  Really?  You’d rather die than be cared for at Grady hospital?

Harlem Heights, Episode 1 & 2

I didn’t watch the show, seeing all of BET’s reality show efforts have fallen flat and seem to be recorded with someone’s cell phone, BUT I took the time out to watch it online.  OMG, I live.  Meet the girls…

It’s the first reality show where I don’t have ONE particular favorite.  After only two episodes I can say I’m loving all the girls swag and ambition, particularly Brianna & omg Brooke (I heart her!).  I can see that people may think she’s full of herself, but isn’t it better to be thyself than to someone or anything else?? But this is coming from someone who no longer watched Girlfriends when Toni Childs didn’t return.  Serious, if you didn’t get Toni Childs, you surely don’t get me. 

Ashlie reminds me of Eva Pigford aka Eva The Diva.  Thing is, her actual hair is uber boring.  I’m mean seriously Ash, we still rocking the wrap?  And we can’t blame it on the environment because these other lady looked posted up in a French Connection ad.  I’m waiting for the day that she takes the hint and give herself a blonde ambition makeover.  She’d slay the cast. 

The show offered so many great one liners, my favorite so far being Brooke’s response to Ashlie’s text at the table during brunch (which was created by the gays I believe…i’m going to google it).  “So, does anybody know what Ashlie’s going to wear so I can wear it better?”  [Brianna] “Whatever you wear’s going to be better.”  [Bridget, so cute] “Brooke, that’s not nice!”  [Brooke] “She knew that was the risk when she decided to invite me, right?”  And I live!

Question, has B.E.T. ever given camera time to a open black gay?  How appropriate would it had been for them to cast one for this show.  Think of all the positive, focused, goal-oriented black gay men of NYC that could’ve enlightened the ignorant.  It’s enough to make me want to move to Harlem even more.

The guys have no appeal to me though.  Seem to me like they’re playing to the camera and are overly focused on being role models.  If it don’t come natural, it will read on camera.  It’s a reality show, we not expecting perfection.  Pierre is sweet though.  Nice to see a black MAN on tv, not some thug boy wangsta.  Can I get a AMEN?

Amber Rose. I heart her.

How hot is Kanye’s latest flame?!  Meet Amber Rose.

And let the choir say Amen!

Skinny bitch

Why am I being ridiculed for being thin? It's not like I'm unhealthy thin, I'm naturally a thin sexy guy. Okay the sexy would be a matter of opinion, but it is fact that I'm thin. Still, people seem to think that for some reason, my weight is up for discussion. Now if I told someone to eat cigarettes instead of cheeseburgers, I’d be a bitch, but for some reason people fell they can ask me about my diet.  Just the other day I had Chick-fil-a in my hand as I went to Domino’s to order a personal pan pizza in the airport.  “You gonna eat all that?”  Now if I were a beast obese, that comment would have never rolled off her lips, but because she’s ignorant and foolish, she felt she had room to speak.  Ring it up chick, I’m not counting calories.  And okay, call me crazy…but when did it become the norm to be fat? I mean really. I'm all for people being their naturally healthy weight. I'm naturally thin. It works for me. But I can't help but feel that Americans have things ass backwards.

In the words of the remake of The Woman’s Annette Benning “This is my face [body], deal with it.”

Ewww bitch, that’s just nasty

I almost slapped a passenger’s hand off me during boarding, OMG i seriously had a wwjd moment.  We’re boarding the plane and this woman heads to the lavatory on the plane.  This already urks me, because I SAW HER sitting out there in the concourse with nothing to do, NOW suddenly she’s gotta go, gotta go, gotta go right now (don’t you just love that commercial…and i feel such relief at the end “and I don’t gotta go right now”…such a happy ending).  I’m standing there eyeballing all the passengers taking their seats, you know how I do, when this LADY grabs me by my elbow.  “Excuse me, there’s no water on the plane.”  UH, THEN WHY YOU GOING AROUND SPREADING SARS TOUCHING ME!!!!  The nerve!  I had to catch myself...  Makes me want to spray myself with Lysol like it’s OFF…damn you lady…damn you to hell.

Oh Dear….Pt.1

Okay, I don’t know much about the female anatomy, so when I got the oppurtunity to ask a real life girl questions about….life, I really went all out like I was writing a paper or something.  Okay, one of the many things that completely blew my mind was…well, SHE SAID that the cootch would…taste like whatever the girl eats a lot of; SO if she eats a lot ramen noodles, then chicken & pork powder mix it is I’m taking it….  A friend of mine just told me that one of my favorite singers off all time, Amel Larrieux, only eats grains, egg whites & seaweed.  Oh dear.  How can I look at her the same?

03.01.2009 Word of the Week

Increasing your vocabulary is so haute right now, so try including the word of the week to your repertoire to see if you can get it to stick or even start a trend (how HAUTE would that be).  Scare your friends with your dare to be different, you’ll be a better person for it.

YUMMY

i.e.  “OMG your shoes are so yummy, I’m going to cut your foot off like Kentae.”