No sweet dream, this is definitely a nightmare

  So…I’m wide awake because I’m afraid to fall back into the same dream.  See, I dreamt that I was on a date, why I don’t know, and the guy took me back to his place, why again I don’t know, and he came back naked….He was wearing BODY MAGIC all evening…to conceal his man hips.  Omg, I couldn’t breathe!  I sprint for the door and just ran my little heart out!  He chased me, knocking over shit with his man hips.  I think I’ll never sleep again.

Tyler Has Brian J. White

okay, i need a production company!…NOW BRIAN!…WHO NEXT? shit, i got a job for these guys…

Tyler's Blackbook must be THE SHIT!..Brian J. White, lawdy

Let’s Pray She Crafty

I love Solange with all my heart but…damn baby…damn…I’m not mad that she’s trying something different, I can’t even imagine the pressures black women have with hair issues but…why do the cut look so angry?  Baby we have barbers for that, let Mae fade you out, line you up and give you some fly ass 80s parts.  Or at least a brush boo boo.  I’m not going to count Solange out the fashion pool though.  The cut has potential.  These pictures are just a casual wednesday stroll.  When she get poshed up, Amber Rose may wanna look out.  

You idiot….

Today on this episode of “You Idiot”, the question of the day is:

Why do white people run in the rain?  They run in rain, sleet, snow, hell, heat, blizarres, cofetti, with people throwing oranges at them, dogs nipping at there New Balance sneakers, I mean and for what?   Oh to prove you’re a WARRIOR!?  Oh you think people are driving pass you thinking “wow, i wish i had his/her discipline.  he’s/she’s such a WARRIOR!”  No STUPIDO!  We saying, “look at that damn fool.  lemme hit this pot hole of water and splash some sense into that ass and hopefully she’ll/he’ll get the hint and take that mushy ass home.”  Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for being fit, determined and focused.  But…people these are the same people who won’t drink water in plastic because they read somewhere there’s toxins in the plastic.  BUT YOU ARE OPEN TO HEAT STROKE.

BLACKsummers’ night

I’ve never really liked Maxwell’s work.  I mean he was very distinguished and handsome, but his albums did very little if anything for me.  Whenever, Wherever, Whatever & Lifetime was the SHIT! But the rest of that LP…I could’ve passed.  And this was in a time when iTunes wasn’t dominating the music world and you had to either buy the entire project or Napster it.  So I can honestly say, there was simply not enough room on my 30gb iPod when I was transferring music that heavenly day I laid down $250 smacker-roos and bought my iPod Video.  I didn’t even miss him.  I was still holding my breath waiting for the return of Tevin Campbell & Bilal!

Then came Pretty Wings…Okay Maxwell, you could be on to something.  Then I saw him.  DAMN HE LOOKS GREAT! Okay Maxwell, I see the new do, do you playa! Play on!…But I wasn’t sold.  Then I heard Fist Full of Tears.  WTF! MAXWELL YOU TRYING TO TAKE MY MONEY?!  Oh shit, this better be good!  And he did NOT disappoint.

BLACKsummers’ night is a three disc compilation that Maxwell has been working hard on for many years.  The concept is each cd will show a different side to love.  BLACKsummers’ night is the darkier side of love.  Love lost, heartbreak, healing, etc.  blackSUMMERS’ night is supposedly going to be the happier side to love.  More joyous and upbeat.  And blacksummers’ NIGHT will be comprised of GOOD OL’ FASHION BABYMAKING MUSIC!….AWWWWWW genius.  Of the three cds, I’m thinking BLACK will probably be my favorite simply because I don’t really care for Maxwell’s fast work…even midtempo.  And BLACK mellows the listener out.  So if you don’t already have your copy, listen to some tracks below (turn off the blog track in the right bar) and if they do anything for you, then this cd is for you too.

BLACKsummersnight

Damnit I wanna live forever too!!!!

So they remaking, or should I say, REMADE FAME!  Okay, my only qualm is WHERE WAS I FOR THE AUDITION!!!!  I could’ve dusted off my ballet slippers, threw on my dancer’s belt and tights and still razzle dazzled them!  BUT NOOOOOOO….and no I didn’t want the role as Leroy.  How cliché, typical fag.  NO I WANTED TO BE A EXTRA IN THE BACKGROUND…you know that one fine ass black boy in the background of all the dance movies that all the black gay men seem to spot and say, OH look at that one in the back, paying no attention to the dialog, just watching him leap around filling out his tights!  THAT’S ME! damnit, well it COULD’VE been me.

Fame…theater near you soon, yeah whatever.

Put some gay into it…

So Ciara has finally got the memo.  If the gays do not approve, your career is bound to flop is you wanting to play DIVA.  Ciara is like…a silence filler.  Something the club played before they got back to the real divas for people to catch their breath (Get Me Bodied, Boom Boom POW!, Feedback, then I’m Fine [MJB!} wears a fag OUT! interlude please).  BUT Ciara has such a hit on her hands, and man did she deliver with the video.  Good job Ciara.  You get two snapped and a swirl.  Video after the jump.

Speed it up already

So, Beyonce is back again with yet another awesome video.  Yes it is the same general concept but with a few new elements to add a little more for the “family”.  There’s a Thierry Mugler metal suit to slay all vimbots for all time.  A fingerwave lace wig with blonde highlights, WHO KNEW! Took me back to Jada in Low Down Dirty Shame.  Also there’s like 1:12 seconds of Beyonce just walking and serving the WORLD body galore.  And this really ghetto break down dance that is sooooo unlike her, I NEARLY FELL OFF THE SOFA  WHEN I SAW IT AND IMMEDIATELY HAD TO LEARN IT…  So yes I love the videos.  I’ve heard some bloggers say they want more, that the concept is tired and they want something fresh and innovative like Lady Gaga.  Okay…Lady Gaga is like queen young pop bitch.  She’s already rich from all the writing she did, she’s not a cash cow, she’s artist.  She has A LOT MORE TIME ON HER HANDS THAN BEYONCE.  They trying to retire Beyonce by the age of 30.  Sure, it’ll be one of those fake Jay-Z retirements, but none the less, that is when I expect to she her at her greatest artistically because the money won’t be a factor.

Let’s state the facts.  There would be no Beyonce without a Matthew, there wouldn’t be a Celine without that old wrinkley man, there wouldn’t be a Michael or Janet without a Joe, there would be no Whitney without Clive, no Ms. Ross without Barry Gordy two timing ass, and there would be no Mariah if there wasn’t a Tommy Mottola.I love how we act brand new and gang up on the newest icon on the scene.  We’ve seen all this before people.  Mariah was popping out the small shit for TEN YEARS! Yes it was good, but it was the same damn thing, and the videos were all of her singing “in rehearsal” and some damn wind scenes.  Come on people.  AND I LOVE HER! don’t get me wrong, but Mariah was on a mission.  To be the greatest selling female artist of ALL TIME and she delievered.  Now that moment has gone and we’re left with Mimi.  No comment.  But this is just Beyonce’s moment.  Embrace it!  These stars are like rainbows, just magical, mysterious beauties that just appear out of nowhere and then fade to the background.  Enjoy the rainbow, TASTE THE RAINBOW, while you can.  Trust me hate and destain for her is nothing going to slow the money train, and its only going to make you age faster.

SLAY THEM BITCHES BEYONCE!!!!!!

Martin, Little Shop of Horrors, School Daze, My Wife & Kids, Boomerang….

…House Party, Sprung, All of Us, Rita Rocks…TISHA CAMBELL IS THE SHIT! I’m sorry, someone needs to say it.  PRAISE THE LAWD THERE’S A TISHA CAMPBELL! I LOVE HER. LOVE LOVE LOVE HER! YOU DO TOO!  She played in all of your favorites!  And you were happy to see her!  Tisha is just SO underrated, I just wanted to take a moment and make space for her on my blog as I have in my heart.  Tisha delivers and stays working.  Singing, dancing, acting, directing, comedian YYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEESSSSS!!!!!!  YES TISHA! They don’t get it, but I got my eye on you. Love you Tisha and your big booty husband, you’ll better play B-list Jada & Will!  And that’s only because they do more white films.  They rub elbows with Tomcat…you can rub shoulders with…Courtney Cox and David Arquette. :-)

Blogger’s Secret Weapon

Okay my fellow bloggers, I have a gift for you.  I discovered this being the nerd that I am.  This is for PC bloggers only, Mac folks I’m sure there’s a application you can purchase for $74.23 somewhere, but PCers…this is free.

To update my blog I’m going to start using this application called Windows Live Writer.  Basically it makes it easier to share your photos, thoughts, and videos on almost any blog service – Windows Live, Wordpress, Blogger, LiveJournal, Typepad, and many more.  It’s HEAVENLY.  You setup all your blogs in one spot, its stores the passwords and address and you create your blogs OFFLINE and publish them when you find time.  It’s looks just like your blog, and you can do EVERYTHING on it.  Songs, links, pictures, you name it.   So you can blog ANYWHERE!  No more worrying about losing your connection and your hard work.  You can even set the publish date & time! So if this is something that will make your life a little easier and you want in on this wonderful free gift, click the link below and enjoy!  http://download.live.com/writer

Gotta know when to hold ‘em & when to fold ‘em people….

Kyle from College Hill was caught on video, courtesy of someone’s crappy cell phone, wilding the hell out in a Winn Dixie.  Okay…people…especially gays. 

Nobody wants to hear your shit.  Yelling gets you no where and leaves you looking like a gorilla.  This scares sane people because this is not everyday for them, but for you it is and you believe it is necessary to move mountains or get your latte right, whichever the case my be.  I’m not saying I don’t do it, but I try other routes FIRST.   You’d be surprised how much more powerful whispering is and how much more cooperative people are when you’re nice to them even though they’re DEAD WRONG.  Let them fuck up and make you look like the peacemaker.  STOP QUESTIONING IT BITCH AND TRY IT SHIT! ignorant ass…urgh…enough. lmao.

Can someone tell me…

Whatever ever happen to Harlem Heights?  I was without BET most of the season and too lazy to go online and watch it (BET’s website is sooooooo busy).  So can someone tell me if they coming back, were they cancelled, they anyone find love?  Talk to me family.

370z Roadster Convertible

I see what I’m going to have to do.  I’m going to have to carjack someone on in the midwest in one of those states we forget even exist like Nebraska or Oregon and drive this pretty little thing all the way back to the A in time for Labor Day festivities.  

Just really Nissan?!  Is it just me or does it seem like every since we’ve heard what bad state  American carmakers are in, foreign car dealers are like LET’S SHUT THEIR GREEDY AMERCIANS ASS DOWN, muhahahaha (evil laugh…strokes hairless cat).

Child hood…

In this segment of Childhood reflection, I want to reflect with you on when…I was gay but didn’t have a clue.

So it was like 10 years ago or so, I think I was 9 or 8, whatever…YES THAT WAS 10 YEARS AGO! Don’t do it!…Anyway, SO I remember staying in an apartment with my mom & brother.  My mom had a good friend who stayed in the complex, her name was Lydia if memory serves me correct.  Lydia had two sons, don’t ask me their names, and for the sake of the story only one matters, so let’s call him…Michael.  Actually that maybe… OMG I CAN’T TELL A STORY! I THINK HAVE A.D.D.  I must get through this, please don’t give up on me.  SO, it was like a friday night and Lydia and her son Michael where over visiting and watching tv.  We had family visiting from out of town, Kingsville, TX, very country, love it!  So everybody just chilling hard, when Lydia asked me to go get something from her apartment.  Sure Lydia!  Michael wants to come too.  He’s like 6.  Sure Michael, I’ll be seen in public with you.  So of course we race to her apartment, that’s what kids do, RUN EVERYWHERE!  I get whatever it was, probably cigarettes, and we head back out.  Michael wants to piggyback.  Sure Michael, this will be FUN! yay!…I mentioned it’s night right?  Okay so here I am with Michael on my back.  “Faster, faster”  Sure Michael, I’m play along.  Running with Michael…on my back…in the dark…through the apartments parking lot….. Yeah.  Trips on a SPEED BUMP, good old fashion speed bump too, not one of those smooth wide ones.  Now you have to picture, my arms are holding Michaels legs, because that’s piggyback protocol.  So I land HEAD ON, SLIDING FROM THE MOMENTUM! Yeah.  I hop up SCREAMING MERCY MERCY! AND JUST HAUL ASS BACK TO THE APARTMENT! i have no clue what became of Michael, to hell with him, THIS IS MY FACE!!!! OMG MY BEAUTIFUL FACE!  I get back to the apartment; my face is just burning.  Everything that you can think of that…protrudes, was completely DESKINNED!  The tip of my nose, forehead, cheekbones, chin, upper lip, JUST GONE!  White as chicken meat.   Just screaming MERCY MERCY!  They wash and BURN THE HELL OUT MY FACE TO AVOID INFECTION, then everybody sits around rubbing coco butter on my face.  I’m just crying, LAWD…LAWD WHY ME?! HELP ME LAWD.  And then…BET premiered Whitney’s “I’m Your Baby Tonight”…the crying CEASED! AND I WAS SHHHSING EVERYBODY!….

Yeah…the power of a legendary diva on a gay at ANY AGE!  I will FOREVER love Whitney for that memory, she was right on time….TO THE WHITE MEAT PEOPLE.  And yes I had to go to school like that.  Did they tease me?  HELL NAW, I’M KIYO RAY! I WAS BORN SHARP, i wish a bitch would’ve came for me!…it also helped my brotha was THE bully and would’ve beat them senseless.  I was the pretty one!  That’s what I do! Chao babies.

All In Your Kool-Aid!

People, share you favorite KoolAid tips with me please!  I want to be able to serve up the greatest KoolAid ever at broke and bougsie gathers I throw.  So far I’ve heard:

1. Always mix a lemon KoolAid pack with whatever other flavor you’re making

2.  Throw in fresh fruit; oranges, lemons, limes, pineapples if you feeling “jazzy” (those were her exact words! i love it)

3.  My tip:  buy the lemon and lime juice that’s in the plastic fruit shaped containers by the real fruit, and squeeze that potent juice in that KoolAid and you’re guaranteed a kick.

So what else you got for me family?  And if you use any of these tips please share your experience with the rest of us.

BET Awards….

error. no blogging allowed, too much swearing.

i will get this out…Beyonce started off looking like a Golden Girl head  to bed with that nightie outfit with the shoulder pads, suddenly I wanted cheesecake, and then….

WTF SHE’S A TOOTH FAIRY?!  they said its a artistic visualization of her actual wedding dress…WOW. SCAREY! 

The rest of the show…(hangs his head in shame).

What I Got Out Of the MJ Memorial

Ohhhhhhh this is good.  So let me start off with saying the memorial was TERRIFIC! Such great execution, heartfelt speeches & moving  renditions.  Just beautiful.  Here’s my highlights. The GOLD CASKET. Janet not hugging hardly anybody.  LaToya’s hat.  The Jackson girls all wearing Versace courtesy of  Janet’s phone call personally to Donatella.  J-Hud no longer denying being pregnant.  Barry Gordy making us laugh.  Stevie leaving EVERYONE’S FACE SOAKING WET.  Joe Jackson WAVING TO STEVIE AS HE ENTERED THE STAGE.  Mariah apologizing her letting Mimi take over.  Queen Latifah phoned it in and called Maya Angelou to make her speech more then a joke.  And all the Jackson brothers looking like Maxwell.  Maxwell now, not then.  They all had that haircut…Jermaine’s was a little Bigen overkill, but still they looked great.  They old men! Give em so credit.  Oh, and I discover there was a twin that passed early on, I didn’t know that.

Now this is what I’m going to take from the whole MJ memorial. 

1.  Can I request all black luxury cars at my funeral too?  Range Rovers, Mercedes, Rollys Royce & Maserati’s only.  And they must be black.  If you don’t have one, rent it as a group, otherwise watch the video footage.

2.  The will.  Can I will to leave Lady Gaga as the guardian of my baby, snoodle Monty Banks?  Do you think she’ll kindly accept or turn Monty into a hat?

3.  I can’t do the gold casket, but cause I do a PLATNIUM URNE?  I want to be able to be ship across the country to hang out with friends, and they ship me back home :-).  Creepy, I know.  But not so creepy in a PLATNIUM URNE! HUH!? HUH?! lol

Love you Michael.

Mac vs. PC, pt.1

So I’ve been considering purchasing a Mac (particularly today since my computer has caught yet ANOTHER virus and this time it won’t allow me to open IE to work AND it talks like a radio show or something on my computer!), but have many reservations because I really do love the freedom of a PC.  See PCs allow for more…personalization.  There’s a application FOR FREE to do anything on a PC.  You can customize everything, from icons, to sounds, to startup applications and default applications.  You also can do those things that….well, NOBODY is suppose to allow you to do, like download and save .flv files.  Macs are moreso for people who…are lazy.  They don’t want to figure stuff out, they just want to press and button and shit happen!  I understand this too!  The interface of Macs is so simple and clean, a kid can make a movie, produce some tracks and write a book about a frog and a pilgrim on it.  All before juice time.  You get in, you get out, you get what you want to have done DONE.  Just you have to buy a application for everything you can think of, and those applications start around $50.  But with all these joy comes pain.  Viruses.  Omg, you WILL catch a virus with a PC, that’s just the facts, so I hope you have a very strong virus protection plan to discover and shut that shit DOWN.  Now here’s where I start to wonder which is the better buy.  The equipment for PCs, you can get a very strong product for roughly $650-750 HOWEVER the necessary protection…$99.99 (anitvirus) +$49.99 (webprotector) ANNUALLY A PIECE.  Yeah.  Your Apple, $1000-1500, depending on your needs, but that’s the bottom line.  Damn.  Maybe I should be considering getting that MacAir a little hardier.

Whitney’s Looking To US People

Let’s not let her down, hopefully she’ll return the favor.  Whitney is out promoting her Sept 1 release YES YES YES!   She’s out there flaunting that beautiful face, causing a ruckus at the crack house because crack sales are down, she got EVERYBODY getting clean and being a role model just for being HUMAN.  Yes she’s human people.  Yes that voice don’t make ANY SENSE, and it’s a real dig at those fat church girls because they realllllllly thought if nothing else, they had “the” voice (sorry skinny bitches will forever rule, eat a porkchop and deal with it).  Yes, she rocked that blonde wig in I Wanna Dance With Somebody not being able to dance one LICK like her name was Susan (Whitney fans will get that).  I LOVE IT!  And she’s coming back just as a courtesy to her fans.  As a testament that GOD can pull you through ANYTHING.  As the legend that she is.  People PLEASE DON’T EXPECT “I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU” Whitney, because you asking for something unrealistic.  Everyone’s voice changes over time, not just the greatest vocalists of all time (my beef with Mimi is she’s on this Benjamin Button, growing young bs.  Can I get Mariah back, Mimi is just so rich bitch whose hobby is public domain on amazon & iTunes). I couldn’t honestly care less if she can recapture the glory of her heyday.  I’m just happy to see she’s CLEAN, her mind is CLEAR, and when I see her pictures, WHITNEY LOOKS TO HAVE FOUND PEACE!  That’s enough for me.  She’s shared herself and enriched to lives of plenty.  She’s proved herself though she never had too.  And I happy to see she’s found herself. 

I’ll do better…

Social networking will have to take a backseat, I to do better by the blog.  Thanks for staying tuned during the hiatus.

I Miss You Old Friend…

I will forever cherish the childhood memories that Michael Jackson created for me.  I remember whenever he was on t.v….it was like magic man.  Like the whole world just stopped for one moment and he held our attention for that 5 minutes of that song, whatever song it may have been.  I didn’t own Michael Jack son albums, I won’t lie.  I was young when his material was being sold.  But I lived for his music videos.  There were like motion pictures.  So epic.  Remember how the entire world tuned in for the debut of Remember the Time?  Remember the premiere of Scream?  Him and Janet sliding on the floor.  It was just so ahead of it’s time.  I’m getting chills thinking about it.  I remember wishing the tiles would light up after I saw Billy Jean, I STAYED in the kitchen using my imagination…one day I’d be a entertainer just like Michael.  He installed that in me.  He installed that in all of us.  That in this life, if you can dream it, if you can imagine it, it can come true.  Nothing about Michael was ordinary…and I appreciate him for that.  To this day I find myself fighting to break free of the chains that society has me bound.  Who made these rules?  Why do I insist on living by them?  When I’m gone, will I have lived the life I wanted to live or the life that was safe?  Michael didn’t play it safe.  He was a risk taker…he was a innovator…he was my friend.  I dedicate the song playing tonight in remembrance of Michael Jackson.  The words spoke to my heart the first time I heard it.  I think it describes most of us.  None of us are perfect but we mean well…at least I like to hope things are that way.

I love you Michael.  I never gave energy to the rumors, I never  stopped supporting you or looking to your next bit of genius magic.  Love defines logic and it overcomes all negative when its true and pure like that love your fans and myself have for you.  The media will not change our love for you…and though I never met you, one day I will…and I’ll thank you.  Thank you for the magic.

HUGE Update Tomorrow…

Okay, I have simply being wasting all of my ideas and thoughts on social sites (facebook, twitter (follow me @KiyoRay), myspace, etc.)  well, I’m going to bring those ideas and thoughts over the the blog in a slightly more extended version.  See, those sites limit your characters and abilities completely to paint a picture.  It’s not so easy to fully relay your point.  AWE but here on the blog, the possibilities are endless.  Still, I look at all these BRILLANT blogs and think to myself, shit I don’t have TIME like that!  These sites have become magazines!  How do they do it?!  They like field reporters, even have videos edited like they entering Cannes!…More power to them but my A.D.D. bipolar ass can’t pull that off.  Most are college & grad students I’m realizing, or teams of contributors.  That’s awesome.  But seriously, there’s a whole staff of people that aren’t being paid to write all this shit?!  Let’s hustle people, this is a recession.

I have a LOOOOONG list of items to cover and it keep growing, so I have to get everything laid out.  Stay tune into Kiyo’s world. SAY WHAT?!